“The message behind the words is the voice of the heart”.
Have you ever texted someone and had them misunderstand what you meant to say? It occurs frequently. Have you ever delivered a completely prepared presentation only to fall flat entirely? It occurs frequently. When you weren’t even angry, have someone ever asked you, “Why are you mad?” It occurs frequently.
What is the status of these conversations? The key is the distinction between understanding and conveying your message—two entirely different things.
Using both is essential for effective communication.
The actual words themselves are not the primary source of confusion when speaking. Research conducted in the 1970s by Professor Albert Mehrabian of UCLA revealed that people mainly interpret what someone says based on their body language, tone of voice, and words. His well-known dissection, referred to as the “7–38–55 rule,” implies that the following are the factors that the human brain considers when someone is “taking in” your message: 38% sound, 55% look, and 7% words. This is not to say that the words are unimportant; it means that people will not trust you if your appearance and voice do not support or align with the words.
Consider it. You wouldn’t believe me if I came into the room and said, “I’m excited to work with you and happy to be here today.” Still, I sounded as though I was already bored and that this was taking up time that I could be spending on other things. There wouldn’t be a disconnect, and you would remain interested if I said the same things while grinning, looking you in the eye, and acting as though I was genuinely excited to work with you.
Our terrible habit is to open our mouths and answer or to open our mouths and recite a prepared statement. By doing such things, we eliminate the human element from the equation. We are left with meaningless words and prone to misunderstanding on our own.
Text messages or emails are the best way to illustrate something. It is simple for my words to be misunderstood when communicating with them alone. Why? Words become meaningless bits of information when the human elements of speech patterns and tone of voice are removed. When my only words are meaningless, I will interpret them in light of my current circumstances. Put differently, they can be interpreted one way if I’m having a bad day and another if I’m having a terrific day.
We regularly engage in this. Miscommunication is the outcome.
What steps can you take to understand your thoughts, words, and messages correctly? Two major items.
Inhale deeply and focus on your message.
Before you speak, take a moment and consider your feelings about what you will say. Give your message a moment of your time. Is what you’re going to say constructive? A negative thing? A recommendation? Are you arguing or informing when you speak up? Are you prepared to continue the conversation, or are you interested in learning more about what the other person said?
Your brain will assist you in choosing the right tone of voice and behavioral clues if you take the time to connect with how you are feeling about what you are going to say. If you don’t do this, you operate automatically, eliminating your decision-making ability. It makes you respond (on autopilot) rather than intentionally.
Employ phrases that “set the tone.”
Feel free to use phrases that “set the tone” in your emails and texts. For instance, you might interpret a text message from me saying, “I can’t handle that right now, you’re going to have to do it on your own,” as an indication that you don’t care, that you don’t want to help, that you are leaving me, or that you are angry with me for even asking because you believe that I should have handled it on my own from the start.
Whoa! Isn’t that much more “stuff” to add to only a few words? However, it is precisely what occurs. (Observe that no one ever contributes anything positive, do they?) 😉
However, I should have taken the time to consider it and included some context in my language. In that case, it could prevent misunderstandings and a negative outcome. I might type something like, “I’m so busy right now, sorry,” in its place if I do this. You can do it, I’m sure of it! I’m not feeling sarcastic or unpleasant when I say, “We’ll connect later.” I “get it.”
When you begin to consider the meaning of what you are saying, you can make decisions on the fly that will facilitate your “audience’s” first-time clear understanding of what you are saying. That is the difference between average and effective communicators.
